


I'm Always Sinking

by cloneclubbingcreampuff



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 10:30:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5782870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloneclubbingcreampuff/pseuds/cloneclubbingcreampuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Alex and Astra are in love, but Non finds out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Always Sinking

Alex takes a breath and readies her weapon as she hides behind her closet door. She hears footsteps, and her lungs feel heavy in her chest. The seconds tick by with agonizing slowness, and Astra is clinging to her arm so tightly that Alex can feel it going numb. Non is just feet away. Alex's finger rests on her trigger, and she looks at Astra, who nods the slightest bit. 

Translation: Kill him if you have to.

"I know you're here, Astra," Non's deep voice cuts into the room, splitting apart Alex's hope that they can take him by surprise. 

Astra clears her throat, and before Alex can stop her, steps out of the closet. "I commend you on your perseverance," she says, her voice betraying no emotion. "You have found me." 

Alex stops herself from reaching out for Astra, and instead swings the door open. She aims her gun at Non's head. 

"If you hurt her," she begins, "I'll kill you." 

"Nice threat," Non mocks. "If you ever lay eyes on my wife again, I'll do the same to you." 

That promise hangs in the air long after Non and Astra fly away. Astra's last parting look, full of sadness and regret, does little to lift Alex's spirits. 

She opens her cabinet and pours herself a tumbler of whiskey. Her tears fall into the glass, and the alcohol tastes salty in her mouth. 

 

\----

 

Months pass by, and Hank and Kara get worried. Not because she starts to withdraw, but because her temper is becoming shorter and shorter with each day that passes. Suddenly, Alex understands how good people can sometimes fall so easily into doing bad things. Terrible things. Whenever she thinks about Non, and the hardness in his eyes, she wants to kill him. Torture him, cut him apart. She doesn't care if he might one day regret what he's done. 

That terrifies her, and so she just gets more frustrated. Kara tries to talk to her about Astra; she knows about what they had, about the three months of bliss they were afforded before some cosmic force decided to fuck Alex over. 

Her work at the DEO is still rewarding, but it feels more like a routine she has to mechanically force herself to do, instead of something she lives for. It's so pathetic. Where is Astra now, Alex wonders. She shudders as she thinks about Non's hands all over her, about him kissing her, touching her, fucking her. 

She starts to use the shooting range more often, and tries to cope with how angry she is. Angry and hurt that Astra could just give up so easily and go back to a man whom they both know isn't good enough for her. 

But, whatever. Alex will get over it. 

 

\----

 

This isn't the part of the story where it gets better. It gets a whole lot worse before then. Kara gets hurt during a mission, stabbed in the stomach by an alien they were trying to capture, because she decides to do the whole lone wolf thing again and doesn't follow orders. Alex snaps at her. She yells, letting out all of her frustrations on the one person who doesn't deserve it. Kara storms out of the control room in the DEO with tears in her eyes. Hank gives her a chiding look, then follows after Kara to make sure her cut has fully healed. 

This wakes Alex up. She sags, and all of her strength dissipates as she lets tears of her own fall from her tired eyes. The technician sitting at the computer clears her throat, looks uncomfortably at the screen, then stands up, wordlessly stepping closer. She tentatively offers Alex a hug. 

"Let it out, sweetie," the tech says, patting her shoulder. 

Alex knows that that's impossible; she can't exorcise all the pain from her body, but she's tired of running from it. She's going to lose Kara if she doesn't deal with it. 

 

\----

 

"Holy shit," Alex says, pointing at the TV. "Alex Cabot is seriously so hot. How did I never notice that before?" 

"Because you were too busy ogling Mariska Hargitay," Kara says knowingly. "Not that I blame you." 

Alex laughs, burrowing deeper into Kara's couch. She grabs a handful of popcorn, then stuffs it into her mouth. They're about halfway through the episode when she feels Kara straighten beside her. She quirks an eyebrow and tilts her head towards her. "What's up?" 

Kara turns to the door and squints slightly. "Astra's standing outside the door." 

Alex freezes, then stands up quickly, looking around for an escape route. "Tell her I'm not here." 

"She can hear everything you're saying right now, Alex," Kara reminds her. "She can also see you." 

"Goddamn it." Alex runs a hand through her hair, smoothing it out as Kara looks at her in askance. 

"Do you want me to go? I can leave you guys alone if--" 

"No," Alex rasps out. "Stay."

Kara nods, then slowly pads over to the door as Alex turns off the TV. She pulls it open, and Astra is standing there, looking pale and thin, but there's a smile on her face. 

Kara hugs her, and Alex hangs back, watching the scene unfold. Astra holds the embrace, clinging onto Kara as if her touch is the only thing keeping her alive. Her eyes meet Alex's. "I've missed you," Astra breathes. 

"Where is Non?" Alex keeps her expression stoic, hard. She's not going to break. Not now.

Astra pulls away from the hug slowly, and walks further into the room. "I told him that I no longer loved him, and that if he tried to stop me from leaving, I would make his life miserable. Killing him would be too easy, too merciful." There's an evil gleam in Astra's eyes, and Alex feels an unbidden surge of arousal. Fuck. 

"Why the fuck couldn't you have done that before?" Alex demands, raising her voice. "Do you have any idea how hard this has been?" 

Kara steps closer to Alex, her eyes soft. She reaches for Alex's shoulder, rubbing it softly. 

Astra nods. "I do. I am now intimately familiar with the agony of falling in the depths of love. I can't say I recommend it." 

"Yeah, no shit," Alex sniffs. 

Kara clears her throat. "I think maybe I'll leave you guys alone for a while. Call me if you need me, Alex," Kara says, then changes into her suit and flies out of her window. 

Astra is in front of her a second later, and her face is inches from Alex's own. She must sense Alex's hesitation, because in the next moment, she sighs and glances down, her eyes full of shame. 

"I'm sorry."

"You should be," Alex bites out. She pushes forward, kissing Astra roughly, pulling at her hair, scratching the nape of her neck. Astra moans, in surprise or pleasure, Alex isn't sure. She feels Astra's hands slide under her shirt, caressing her ribs. The kiss softens, becoming less about pain and more about how fucking much Alex missed this. It isn't fair that she's had to go without it for so long. Astra slows her movements, and their lips move against each other. Alex backs up until she feels the wall behind her. 

"Call Kara," Astra advises. "Tell her not to come home for...two hours?" 

"Let's make it three," Alex says against Astra's lips, then pulls out her phone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading. You are all so lovely :)


End file.
